Depressive Episode

Am I having mild depression? Or depressive episode?

My heart is feeling very unsecured without any concrete reason.

The reason that I could think of is tomorrow will be a working day & this week is the last week of the month & all my works are hanging.

I feel like I'm not capable anymore to do my job. I'm fatigue of my job.

Sometimes, I daydream in office. I could hardly concentrate.

During weekend, I spend whole day at home streaming all kinds of drama series & horror movies.

Even so, I can get ride off my unsecured feeling & worried.

Sometimes, I spend whole day lying on my bed without taking any meals & going to toilet.

I have lost interest in doing things.

This is the symptom of depressive episode, I guess.

I have to learn my breathing technique to calm myself.

Probably some forms of exercise will help me to reduce my negative emotions.

Confusion

I'm confused. Do I actually like my current job?

I'm totally lost of interest on everything... It's not because I'm going for operation.

I feel like going back to primary school time, where I didn't really have friends.

Talking to people in office is like a tough job to me.

With all the negative feelings, I keep wondering am I suitable to my current job.

Is it because I'm too used to the previous job where I have many colleagues who are friends to me?

Or I'm just getting tired on the job itself?

Or I'm too lazy to work?

Why I can't be more money-minded & don't bother about anything around me?

Just get the job done for the day, then go back home & rest well.

Every morning, I find myself hard to wake up to work. I keep lying on my bed & hope that I'm sick so that I can take MC.

I feel like crying at the moment. Am I too stressed?

I have to learn from others, not to overwhelmed with working emotions. After office hour, just continue with my personal life well.

I'm too emotional in everything, till all the emotions from all aspects kick into other areas.

My hatred feeling towards my brother...

My unsecured feeling on the unscheduled operation...

My worries about my mum...

My work...

All feelings & emotions are mixed up.

I can hardly understand myself.

I'm confused. Is it resulted from my job of choice or family matter or health matter? I really wonder.