Counselling

I'm not keen on doing counselling session.
I feel like I'm burned out.
I'm satisfied with the treatment that I received in this place.
Yet, I'm not a good, or professional, counsellor, or counsellor trainee.
I'm still thinking of switching to other fields, maybe HR, financial, logistic, commodity, for instance.
After listening to buddy's experience in the world of work, I feel doubtful and confused about my own career.
Of course my lecturers are hoping their students to register as a liciensed counsellor.
Somehow, I don't feel like doing so.
It's not that I'm scared of the Board of Counsellor, it's that I'm not really suitable to the counselling field.
Counselling is a helping profession and I like to help others (it's because I don't know how to say "No").
Still, I'm not that outstanding in this field.
And I'd trouble myself for being so-called helpful to others.
Counselling is a good field of study and a profession with good future perspective.
I'm not in the field.
It does help me to improve myself in controlling my emotions and getting to know myself better.
Still, I couldn't help myself.
It's like the Chinese proverb: "Neng Yi Bu Neng Zi Yi".
It means doctor can heal people but not himself.
I feel that I'm in this situation and condition.
I can counselling people but I can't do it for my own.
I can't even try to ease myself with rational thought at times.
Maybe I need to meet with some experienced counsellors or social workers so that they can help me in dealing with "the little myself" inside my heart.
It's really a hard thing to think of.

XPP

Trips during Internship

Although I'm dissatisfied with one of the intern in the organisation that I'm attached with, I'm happy with the workload here.
I've chances to travel to places that due to programmes that organised by the organisations.
I travelled to Muar, Johor together with Chief Inspector Chumil (now is ASP Chumil) due to a lecture on stress management.
Within the week, I travelled there again due to the ice-breaking part of the basic communication course.
Thus, I've been there twice.
Then, I went back to Ipoh during Chinese New Year without any payment because I was going back with Sub-Inspector Jelani and Sergeant Alias using the police car.
In March, I went to Merlimau, Malacca due to a programme organised by the civilian counsellors.
I was supposed to go to Ayer Hitam, Terengganu and Sungai Petani, Kedah according to the schedule of the civilian counsellors.
I didn't go since one of the intern here made complain about the trip to Merlimau in front of my beloved site supervisor.
As a result, my site supervisor was so angry with the civilian counsellors as till she didn't allow the three of us to follow any trip organised by them.
However, I'll be going to Cherating, Pahang in the coming Sunday without any payment.
My beloved site supervisor'll share her room with me.
And the participants are very sporting police officers.
It's really a great experience in this place.
There are a mother, father, sister and other family members in the office.
Everyone is so lovely and helpful.
Everyone is helping me in getting my credit hours willingly.
I feel appreciated in this place very much.
It's a good place to undergo internship.

XPP

Dissatisfaction

Finally, there is someone who knows my condition and feelings.
I'm not the fire stone to make them quarrel.
I just want to share my emotions so that I won't be overwhelmed with dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
I thought I'm the only one being bullied.
The others also feel the same that I'm bullied by the so-called brilliant student.
The so-called brilliant student always makes others feel down by sharing his experience that he can handle EVERYTHING and no one could question or compete with him.
Is it he is so BRILLIANT?
Well, I think he has low self-esteem.
He just wants to ensure that his self-esteem is higher than others by showing off.
DISGUSTING!!!
EXTREMELY DISGUSTING!!!
Now, I feel that he is really a JERK.
A JERK who makes me feel sick.
How could a counselling student have such attitude?
From MU...
I really wonder.
Talking about professionalism, he always complains that the civilian officers are very bad and not professional at all in organising programme.
He never thinks about himself or looks back and evaluates his attitude and behaviours.
He is not professional as well.
I think laziness is the dominant factor contributes to his poor attitude and behaviours.
Whenever another intern or I asks him to give lecture or help in handling programme, his answer is always NO.
Somehow, he claims the credit in his log book.
When another intern and I are giving lecture or helping in programme, he is chatting via the Internet using Yahoo messenger.
SO UNFAIR!!!
It's fine if he doesn't want to do the work .
I can accept it.
BUT dON'T CLAIM CREDIT FOR THINGS THAT YOU DIDN'T DO!!!
AND NEVER COMMENT ON OTHER PEOPLE'S WORK WHEN YOU ARE ONLY A PASSIVE MEMBER!!!
NOT PASSIVE, BUT NEVER CONTRIBUTE ANYTHING!!!
JERK!!!
JERK!!!
JERK!!!
Luckily, my internship will be finished very soon.
I'll only keep in touch with another intern.
I feel sick to contact him.
He knows very well about empathy but never practises it.
Really a BIG CHEAP ASS HOLE!!!
I'm extremely angry with him.

xpp

Experience in the Royal Malaysia Police

I think it's really a great choice that I chose RMP as my internship place.
I gained a lot of experience there.
I learnt how to make sure people are comfortable with me and my work.
I learnt how to pretend myself.
I learnt how to control my emotion rather than letting it control me.
I learnt how to be helpful.
I learnt how to be systematic my my work.
I learnt ... ... ...
I couldn't list out one by one.
I learnt a lot.
Some of my friends are worried about me.
They are worried that I can't cope with the internship as it's a stressful so-called subject.
Internship, it's really stressful but I've to overcome it.
I can't let it overtake me.
My life is under my control.
I've faith in me.
I'm thankful that I went for the Silva Mind course.
I learnt how to be confident with myself.
I'm on my way to boost up my confidence.
I must do the best for myself.
RMP is a great field.
It taught me a lot.
I hope my juniors can have the same experience or even more experience when he or she is attached to RMP.

("v")

Internship

There'll be 2 more weeks to go to finish my internship.
I intend to extend the duration till the end of April.
I'm supposed to finished on April 25th 2008.
I think I should finished on April 30t 2008.
It's for my own convenience and as well for my beloved site supervisor.
Besides, I haven't finished with my individual session.
I can't just refer my clients to other counsellor.
I think it's irresponsible.
I'm not saying that I'm a responsible girl.
I'm not.
I just feel that I must be ethical in doing my internship.
Actually, I'm tired with the internship.
There are too many things to fufilled.
At times, I think I'm unable to cope with it.
Luckily, my beloved site supervisor and my lecturer are very supportive.
They both motivate me a lot during th internship.
Needless to say about a course mate of mine.
She's really helpful.
She inspires me a lot.
There is a short period of time I feel hard to leave my internship place.
It's because there are too many good things and memorabe experience that I gained throughout the internship.
Another important notion is that I feel that I'm not yet ready for the world of work.
I'm too kind-hearted till that others like to bully me.
I'm not strong enough to protect myself from being bullied by others.
I need some more time to gain the strength to fight back.
However, thers's always a termination in gaining experience in a field.
Then, the journey of gaining new experience has to continue in another field.
I must step out from there and enter to a new world or a new environment.
It's what we called as life.
I shall start a new life ahead.

~("v")~